Hiding the Jew in Me

This blog post from Molly Tobin (Wheaton College Class of 2013) was originally published in the Wheaton Wire on September 28, 2011.

Earlier in the week, a friend posted on my Facebook wall addressing me as her, “Jew friend.” Last night as I was sitting in my kitchen at home, my mother walked in carrying two trays of homemade challah she had just hand-braided. These are a fraction of my weekly experiences that remind me of the obvious: I am Jewish.

I grew up in a household that celebrated all of the Jewish holidays and felt proud to be Jewish. Judaism was a part of my daily life, as were Jewish values and the concept of Tikkun Olum – repairing the world.

When I graduated High School I was sure of who I was and yet my first day on campus my Freshman year I felt the need to reinvent myself. The part about myself that I went to great lengths to avoid was my faith. It wasn’t that I felt unsafe or unwelcome as a Jew, but with such a small population of Wheaton’s campus identifying as Jewish, I didn’t want to be part of such an obvious minority. I wanted to fit in, so I thought it couldn’t be with this small group of people. Furthermore, when I did appear at a Hillel event there were only a handful of people. I couldn’t help but question where everyone was, surely there were more than 10 Jews at Wheaton. I thought maybe being Jewish isn’t fashionable and I hid myself from Jewish life as I think so many others on campus do.

My second year at school I realized I couldn’t try to reinvent myself and be happy. I started to become involved in clubs, but I still felt lost. In December I made a daring decision to travel with a group of 40 strangers to Israel on Birthright. I completely fell in love with the country, but finally realized I was undeniably Jewish. It’s not that I consider myself to be a religious person; it’s quite the opposite. It’s the culture of Judaism that I love and I had been denying myself a major part of who I am and the sense of belonging. This summer, after two more trips to Israel, during a month long program for Jews aged 18-26 in California, I was asked to write down 5 things that described me. It took a mere moment to write my first answer, “Jewish.” When asked to explain my answer I simply said, “if I wasn’t Jewish I don’t know who or what I would be.”

Wheaton prides itself on acceptance and diversity and I am now proud to be part of a small population on campus. I am privileged to be apart of a campus where people feel comfortable and accepted to display their religion, sexuality and beliefs. It has taken me two years to abandon and regain my love of Judaism. It was a struggle to get to where I am today, though I couldn’t be happier about where I have arrived.

To all of you who have never hesitated to express yourself I say Yasher koach – a job well done and may you have the strength to continue. I also thank you for showing me the way to do the same for myself.

Sisterhood Dinner Kicks Off the Year with a Large Crowd

Snow fell outside, but warmth was abundant inside Simon Hall at Sisterhood’s annual Membership Dinner on Oct 27. The year’s kick-off event drew 145 women, enjoying the opportunity to catch up with old friends and meet new ones.

After a cocktail/shopping hour with many new boutiques, Rabbi Jay quieted the crowd long enough to say the Hamotzi, and we enjoyed an excellent dinner by La Morra (thank you to owner/member Jennifer Ziskin). Sisterhood’s BFF, Rabbi Michele Lenke, presented a good-natured montage about the meaning of Sisterhood. Each table completed a quick survey to learn more about each other – including some very funny answers to the prompt, “Have you ever met a famous person?” – before the dessert buffet.

Big kudos go to event co-chairs Kate Basch and Christine Shusterman, each chairing a Sisterhood event for the first time. (It’s not so hard! Contact Marcy Hirschen if you’d like to co-chair the spring Donor Dinner.)

Additional thank yous go to committee members Jane Blauvelt, Marcy Hirschen, Sarah Keselman, Margaret McConchie, Elise Miller, Jessica Post, and Marie Shapiro and volunteers Emily Aransky, Aimee Bierman, Lisa Channen, Elissa Grebber and Jane Spigle, with special thanks for Linda Rosenberg’s superb design skills and Roche Brothers for continued generosity.

Sisterhood is off to a great start, with 24 new members so far. Many new events and projects, as well as perennial favorites, are in the works.

Upcoming:

• Thursday, November 10:  Board Meeting (6:45) & Games Night (7:30) at the temple
• Tuesday, November 15:  SisterhoodNight at the Paint Bar. Not a member of Sisterhood yet? Click here for membership information.

Rabbi Eric Yoffie: Why Americans Dismiss Sin

Rabbi Eric Yoffie

[This post by Rabbi Eric H. Yoffie is reposted with permission from URJ and was originally posted on The Huffington Post and reposted on RJ.org]

To talk of religion without reference to sin is absurd.

Sin is what results when a human being chooses evil rather than good. It is the consequence of violating transcendent values. Contending with sin is a central theme of both Jewish and Christian religious thinking.

The United States is a religious country, and one might think that sin would be a major subject of public discourse. Yet this is not so. We may talk of "morality," but being moral is generally a secular matter, cleansed of any hint of evil or sinfulness. And, oddly enough, even in religious circles, we fear the language of sin and rush to avoid it.

I acknowledge that liberal religion has a part in this. Liberal religious people are sometimes so anxious to see the good that they become blind to evil intentions and divert their eyes from sinful acts. They want to be reasonable and tolerant and therefore assume that others will be as well. Conservative religious leaders contribute to their unease by invoking sin for certain types of behavior that they abhor -- such as homosexuality -- while ignoring it for everything else, thus giving the impression that their real purpose in talking about sin is to promote hatred of gays.

But the problem goes deeper. When an individual acknowledges his sins, he recognizes his weaknesses and begins to take responsibility for his actions. There are many aspects of American culture that discourage us from taking responsibility for what we do. Denying responsibility, we also deny sin.

Ours is a culture of endless explanation. Our 24-hour news cycle means that sinful acts of the most straightforward sort -- abuse, violence, fraud -- are subject not just to reporting but to non-stop interpretation. Experts of every conceivable variety put forward explanations that in another era might never have been offered; some will be ingenious, some bizarre and many downright ridiculous. We gain thorough coverage but at the price of explaining what does not need explanation and excusing what should not be excused.

Ours is a therapeutic culture. Freud and his disciples have conquered us all. There is no outrageous act that cannot somehow be attributed to the interplay of psychic forces or to some newly discovered psychological "syndrome."

Ours is a culture of victimhood. Groups of all sorts see themselves as victims, even when they plainly are not. I know Jews who see an anti-Semite under every bed and evangelical Christians who are convinced that they are an oppressed class in America. By portraying themselves as victims, they send the message that they are not responsible for their actions; by definition, the fault lies elsewhere.

Ours is a culture of medicalization. (My thanks to Wilfred McClay for this term.) We trust medical science more than we should, expect from it more than is reasonable, and bestow upon it wisdom and insight that it does not possess. We believe we are at the mercy of diseases, often of a new and esoteric sort, even when evidence is scant, and we listen to neuroscientists who assert that biology controls both morality and destiny. What all of this means is that our own responsibility is diminished.

Ours is a culture of relentless realism. Realism is seemingly a virtue; in the political and financial arenas, the "realists" are tough and calculating and call upon us to deal with the world as it is. But claiming to be shorn of illusions, they are often shorn of ideals, and their talk quickly shades into fatalism. If one cannot change the world around us, one has no responsibility for that world; and in such a world, apathy makes more sense than responsible action.

In light of the above, it should not be surprising that we do not talk of sin in America. Our culture pushes us to cast aside responsibility and to find others to blame.

I thought of these matters while sitting in the synagogue on Yom Kippur. Left to my own resources, I am no more able to admit my sins than anyone else. I point fingers, make excuses, hold others responsible. But the liturgy on this day is unyielding and harsh. In one prayer after another, we were obligated to proclaim what we otherwise resist: "We have violated the laws of God and Torah. We have sinned."

There is not the slightest suggestion here that our fate is determined by societal pressures, "root causes" or any other forces beyond our control. Indeed, the liturgy specifies the sin of prikat ol, which means throwing off societal restraints for one's own purposes, or more simply, "casting off responsibility." To cast off responsibility is a sin and our own fault. Period.

Jews and Christians, to be sure, do not understand sin in precisely the same way, but both see it as a foundational theological category. As a Jew, fresh from the jarring experience of Yom Kippur prayer, I find myself wishing that we would struggle with it more than we do -- separately in our respective traditions and collectively as partners in building a more just society.

Absent sin, we are not responsible. Absent sin, there is no moral precision. Absent sin, there is no moral judgment. Absent sin, there can be no forgiveness.

Brotherhood Retreat - A Delight!

Free-time walks to the beach, another great retreat ritual

The 6th Annual Brotherhood Retreat keeps getting better and better. I can attest to this statement as I have received many unsolicited rave reviews. All our participants appreciate the balance of insight fully relevant Torah study, spirited topical discussions, laughter, plenty of food and drink and of course the camaraderie that brings everybody closer. Rabbis Jay and Todd do an amazing job of creating and leading a thoughtful program that is engaging, inspiring and sometimes uproarious.

Our new retreat location, The Yarmouth Resort and friendly staff made us feel welcome and supplied us with a wonderful meeting room that had all the conveniences of home. This was the first year that we could cater our own home cooked breakfasts of waffles, eggs and of course Lox and Bagels. This large sun filled room also served us well easily handling plenty of seating for our discussions and a nice venue for multi media presentations, happy hour and wonderful Saturday night after dinner. The only thing missing from other retreats was not having the Red Sox on TV in the post season, but we won't go there. We'll save that discussion for the Leroy Davis Breakfast on November 20th.

Our group dinner just happened to be right next door at the Yarmouth House. For only $40.00 we enjoyed a fabulous four course dinner with an additional large fruit & cheese plate for the table. Our first course was a choice of two soups or a fruit cup, then a garden salad, followed by a choice of 3 entrees: Prime Rib, Baked Stuffed Scrod and/or Chicken Marsala. If you weren't full by now there was a choice of 2 desserts, a fancy multi-layered chocolate cake or a rich slice of strawberry topped cheesecake. Most guys felt the need to lay down after this spectacular dinner.....wow, it was really delicious.

We have already decided that next year's retreat will stay at The Yarmouth Resort and we are already brainstorming new ideas to make it even better. Marty Goldberg, the event chair along with Ed Schreider, Stephen Staum and Michael Herman, our new Retreat Chairman Emeritus worked on the planning for many months over the summer and everything really came together and exceeded most every one's expectations.

We again thank everyone who participated and we are already looking forward to next year's 7th annual retreat.

Preview of the Library

The other day I was sitting in the Temple Library (be honest how many congregants even know we have a Temple library?) when I looked up at our collection of books, DVDS and compact discs. I was amazed by what a wonderful collection we have!
Have a question on parenting we have the books for you a few examples are:
Parenting Jewish Teens: A guide for the preplexed by Joanne Doades (on a personal note who isn't preplexed by teenagers?)
Raising resilient children: Fostering strength, hope and optimism in your child by Robert Brooks & Sam Goldstein
Don't know what to cook tonight? How about checking out our cook book section. The library has just received Joan Nathan's new cookbook entitled Quiches, kugels and couscous: my search for Jewish cooking in France.
We also own a wonderful collection of DVDS for the entire family; from Shalom Sesame Street which provides a wonderful introduction for young children to Israel & Jewish holidays to A life apart- Hasidism in America.

So the next time you are at the Temple don't forget to "check out" the library!

Garden Club Antiques Show - November 6

Beth Shalom Garden Club is sponsoring the 14th Annual Antiques Show on Sunday, November 6 from 10 am to 4 pm at the Needham High School.
Please help support the BS Garden Club at this event, which is our only fund raising activity.

The Antiques Show will be a fun event as always.
Browse 2 roomfuls of antiques for sale, displayed by dealers from several states.
In addition, we our lucky to have an appraiser available from 10 to 3. Bring in your treasure and get a verbal appraisal of its value. Who knows, you could be a Needham star as in Antique Roadshow fame.

More fun - take a chance or more at the Raffle tables.
Great selections of Needham restaurants, Sundae Kit from Abbots, Children's Birthday Party at Boston Sports Club, jewelry, hand-knit clothes, shopping certificates, bird house, Byrd Honey from Needham, and so very much more.
Super Raffle (just $10 a ticket) gives you a chance to win a Trek Lime Bicycle, BJ's 14 month membership, AAA membership or renewal for 1 year, stay at the Needham Sheraton.

Visit our French Flower Market for a special take home lovely.

While browsing, shopping and seeing friends visit the Cafe for coffee, breakfast, lunch, or snacks.
Check out our yummy Bake Sale supplied by Garden Club members who have the best family recipes .

Hope to see you Sunday, November 6 from 10 am to 4 pm for Garden Club's Antiques Show and the Sisterhood Rummage Sale - what a great day!

Beth Shalom Garden Club presents Needham Antiques Show, Sunday, Nov 6 >10am-4pm

Please join us, Sunday, November 6, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.
(Before or after Rummage Sale)

Take a (Shabbat) Hike!

Shomrei Adamah is excited  to report the success of its first two Shabbat Hikes of the year. On September 17, 17 hikers (including our new religious school director Allison Gutman) joined Beth Shulman for a two hour hike on the Wellesley Acquiduct trail. On October 15, 21 hikers including several temple families joined the Bailit family for a one hour hike at Cutler Park.

October 15 at Cutler Park

We invite you to join Marlene Schultz on November 19 at 2:00pm for our next Shabbat Hike at Wilson Hill Reservation. Rabbi Todd will be the guest clergy on the hike.

About Shomrei Adamah:
The Shomrei Adamah (Guardians of the Earth) Committee at Temple Beth Shalom is a group of individuals who are connected by their belief that taking care of our natural environment is our responsibility. We believe it is ethically imperative for Jews to work toward lessening our environmental impact and thus uphold the Jewish ideals of tikkun olam (repairing the world), tzedek (justice), and bal tashchit (prohibition against wanton destruction). We identify ways for the Temple as an organization and as a facility to improve its use of energy and natural resources. We not only educate our community about “green initiatives,” but we also participate in hands-on activities to make the world more sustainable for now and for future generations.

Sukkot BBQ Block Party was a Huge Success!

On October 16, nearly 230 members, prospective members, and friends of the TBS community attended our annual Sukkot BBQ Block Party. Attendees decorated the sukkah, shook the lulav and etrog, jumped in a moon bounce, and dined on Blue Ribbon Bar-B-Q. A fun time was had by all, as we celebrated the holiday of harvest and giving thanks.

The Sukkot BBQ Block Party is just one event hosted by the Member Relations Committee each year. We also host the adult Purim shpiel, prospective member open houses, and programs to honor both our newest and longest-standing members. We are always interested in gaining insights from others in our community. If you have ideas to share, or would like to be involved in Member Relations, please email Jenny Small at jennylee27@gmail.com.

Below, enjoy a few photos of the event.

Margit Fried paints her mother Meredith's face.

Dora, Juliana and Elsa show off their beautiful face painting art work.

Drew Koplan decorates the sukkah.

Brotherhood and our community celebrate "Jews Clues"

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and we were preparing to host the kick-off of the "Jews Clues - You're doing it all wrong" World Synagogue Tour - 5772. Everything was indicating that this event, a TBS community celebration of the authors, CJ Kaplan and Mitch Blum was going to be a smashing success. We were celebrating the accomplishment of someone in our men's community and the theme was Jewish humor with a traditional breakfast being served.

Something that our whole community could relate to and enjoy.

Thank you to everyone who made our celebration special (over 70 attendees), to our expert kitchen crew, to Mimi & Linda for creating the awesome cover art "Jews Clues" platter and of course to CJ & Mitch for sharing your humor and stories with everyone. We hope that the tour makes it on to the "Daily Show with John Stewart" and maybe as an encore at TBS as the tour comes home.