Rabbi Sonsino: My Granddaughter's Bat Mitzvah

Rabbi Sonsino

Mid October, my granddaughter, Ariella, became a Bat Mitzvah in California, and made us very proud and happy.

There are moments in life which define us. There is a before and an after that particular event. In the present Jewish practice, a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is one of those cutting moments. A thirteen year old boy (a Bar Mitzvah) or a girl (a Bat Mitzvah) marks a significant transitional period in life by celebrating it with family and friends during a religious ceremony and often with a big party afterwards.

In Hebrew the expression Bar/Bat Mitzvah, usually translated as “son/daughter of the Mitzvah,” really means youngsters who are now “responsible for the performance of the Mitzvot (commandments/good deeds).” It takes about two years to get a date from the synagogue and six months to learn how to lead the service in Hebrew and English. In most Reform synagogues in the USA, during a Sabbath morning service, which often includes the celebration of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the high point is reached when the candidate chants a section of the Torah portion of the week taken from the Pentateuch and part of the prophetic portion (Haftarah) that follows it. Also, a Bar/Bat Mitzvah usually reads a short commentary of the biblical passages and a message of gratitude to parents, relatives and friends. Ariella did all that. She was nervous but went through the whole thing with poise and a great smile. We were delighted.

In my granddaughter’s temple, they have a lovely custom of invoking God’s blessings upon the Bar/Bat Mitzvah while standing under a prayer shawl (tallit) held by close friends. As a grandfather, it was my pleasure and honor to recite the priestly blessing there as I prayed for Ariella to have a good and long life, contentment and peace.

However, what moved me the most was a moment just before the Torah service when the Rabbi asked us to pass the Torah scroll from one generation to another, as a reminder that we, as Jews, are all connected by tradition, cultural as well as ethnic ties, from our ancestors in biblical times to the present generation and beyond. As I handed the scroll to my wife, and as she passed it on to my son and daughter-in-law, and they gave it to Ariella, I thought of my own Bar Mitzvah in Istanbul in 1951, of my deceased parents and grandparents, and forward to my son and his daughter, with a sense of gratitude and connectedness that can only be described as magical. I was overwhelmed by emotions, my eyes became teary and I had a hard time breathing. Yes, our Jewish tradition is being handed down to a new generation, and I hope they will be proud of it, keep it and enrich it with their own creativity. 

Ines and I still have the Bar/Bat Mitzvah of three more grandchildren to go, and I hope God will grant us the opportunity to witness their own celebration.

Rabbi Rifat Sonsino, PhD
Oct. 2013

Still Smiling...

Have you ever smiled so much that your cheeks hurt? That’s how I felt yesterday as we celebrated with Ida Kublin as she became a Bat Mitzvah at 83! I just could not stop smiling and I think it was contagious! In attendance were her children and grandchildren, family and friends. We all came together to witness an important moment in Ida’s life and it became an important moment in the lives of all of us who were present. For months Ida and I had studied her Torah portion together, debating whether she would use the Sephardic or Ashkenazic pronunciation of the Hebrew text before her. As we studied, she shared stories of her youth with me and how she excelled in Hebrew school, but never had the chance to become a Bat Mitzvah. After months of studying and years of imagining what it might be like to read from the Torah, the day had finally arrived and she knew that her parents of blessed memory would be so very proud.

When we first met, I learned that she had wanted to celebrate this special Bat Mitzvah close to her birthday and together we chose the date not paying attention at the time to this week’s Torah portion, but rather to the availability at the temple and the upcoming Holy Days. Little did we know, that we picked the perfect day.

There is a saying that you get the Torah portion that you were meant to get, and that was so true in Ida’s case. When I initially picked the verses that she would read, I knew it would fit because it spoke about food, and I knew that Ida and her beloved Abe of blessed memory used to have a deli, but I had no idea at the time that the verses I had chosen for her to read, would actually be a wonderful statement of her theology, her philosophy and her practice.

Ida is proud to say that she believes in bashert, it was meant to be, and this match of Ida and her Torah portion was indeed bashert. She spoke beautifully about the importance of family and as she spoke those words, I looked out into the congregation and amid the tears of joy were the smiles on the faces of her family members and friends. She spoke about her belief in God and gave profound thanks to God, and I proclaimed yesterday to be Thanksgiving Day, as we were all grateful to witness this RIGHT of passage. Young women of her generation did not celebrate the rite of passage we know as Bat Mitzvah, and yesterday as she received the Torah from the generations of her family who have followed her, the Torah was in Ida’s loving arms, reclaiming it as her own. Seeing her pure love of life, family and God was captivating. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house.

Ida’s last verse of Torah was perhaps the most fitting as it reads: Baruch ata b’tzetecha u’varuch ata b’voecha. Blessed shall you be in your comings and blessed shall you be in your goings. (Dt. 28:6). It was when we studied this verse together that Ida revealed to me that whenever someone in her family goes on a trip it has long been her practice to say, “Go well and come well”, words right out of her portion. Truly Ida got the Torah portion that was meant for her, and she is indeed a blessing to us all.